Back to Reality

So, the year long honeymoon, also known as my maternity leave, has ended. I have been thrown back into reality, a daily rat race complete with crowded trains, cubicles and cold saran wrap sandwiches. No more happy baby gurgles to greet after nap, no more funny smiles or sloppy baby kisses. Instead, my days are filled with the corporate jargon of the hour and the painful drone of my computer.

It has been a tough first week back at work. I still have friday to get through before the precious weekend with my family. But Simone has been a trooper! She has handled this transition with relative ease, all the credit goes to her wonderful Papa who has chosen to be her main caregiver while I bring home the bacon. (And Oh, how we've missed those paychecks!) They have spent the week frolicking about the neighbourhood - walks to the park, hikes by the ocean and visits to the YMCA. They're having a blast, and I must admit I feel like I'm missing out! I call them at least 3 times a day to see what is going on.
Mr. Hubby, who I shall now refer to as Papa Harry, has decided to journal his new role as Mr. Mom. He's created a brand new blog where he relays all the crazy situations from the day, and I think it may help me feel a little less out of the loop. If you want a chuckle, you should go there immediately! Many silly situations are a-brewing when Mom leaves the house.

In the meantime, I will be updating this blog as I can. This is a stressful time and we all need to adjust. I'd love to knit or draw to ease some of the tension, but the reality is that I'm running at fully speed until 9pm and by then I just want to put my feet up and watch some mind numbing reality show. I do hope it gets easier soon because leaving the house each morning brings on the worst knot of anxiety I've had in a long time. I hate missing out. I hate saying goodbye to my family. But I just keep telling myself, going to work is the best thing I can do for my family right now. It will make me a better mom...right? Suddenly I can relate to all those articles about the "guilty working mom". Well, here's hoping my next post has lots of happy times to share! Now go over the Papa Harry's blog and have a laugh :)

sharing spaces

I wanted to participate in the last "This is" meme, I really did! Each week I look forward to this post because it is a mini project that in most cases, I can actually complete within the deadline. Last Sunday's topic was "This is my inspiration board". I quickly browsed through a bunch of the participants and was thoroughly impressed by what everyone posted. If this were the topic a year ago, I would have eagerly participated, but the sad fact is that I no longer have an inspiration board. I no longer have a workspace! We live in a 2 bedroom townhouse and before our little bundle of joy arrived, I had my own luxurious room to spread my inspiration all over. I suppose this room was the first big sacrifice I made for my Simone. And don't get me wrong, I am not upset or angry about it. In fact, I was so excited to convert that room to a nursery, I had chosen the colours by the time I was only a few months pregnant! But I have to admit, I do miss having my own space. Currently Hubby and I share the kitchen table. Ok, maybe we don't share so much as I own the table and give him a small end section for his laptop, some books and if he's good, a cup of tea. The rest is mine, and let me tell you, it is NOT enough space. I need a room, people!
So, instead of an inspiration board, I am posting a photo of my sad workspace. As you can see I am not the most organized artist around. I like to keep everything out and visible so I can grab it easily and carry on with whatever I am doing. Problem is, I have so much crap everywhere that I can't see anything at all. I know, it is a pathetic system. One day I will get my act together - I swear! And hopefully I will soon have the time and energy to make more art when my little rascal starts sleeping better and gives her Mommy a break!

I stole the cheese

My conscience is really bugging me. On Friday, we were at the grocery store and after we loaded the car with all the goods and started driving out, we noticed a block of cheese lying on the ground in the parking lot. It must have fallen out of someone's grocery bag. The first words out of hubby's mouth were, "look at the cheese! Go get it!".
"Should I?...Really?"
"Sure! Go for it"
I hesitated for a split second out of self consciousness, then opened the car door and grabbed the block of mozzarella cheese. Now, this wasn't your regular no name brand cheese, it was the good expensive stuff you get at the deli counter. I thought, what a score! I was so pleased with myself. Especially after watching the latest Oprah episode about the Freegan lifestyles, where people scrounge around grocery dumpsters looking for free food. I could now consider myself as one of them, getting my hands dirty in the parking lot while picking up a block of cheese
...OK, so it wasn't a dumpster, and I really didn't get my hands dirty. In fact, someone paid for this cheese and it fell out of their bag by accident. Omigosh. I stole the cheese! And to top it off, there were a group of bystandards loitering on the sidewalk, staring at me as I ran out of the car and scooped up that mozzarella. Witnesses! Wait a second. I am a criminal!
"I can't believe you just did that"
"What do you mean?? You encouraged it!"
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it. It's so not like you."
Well, that comment did wonders for my guilty conscience. The rest of the way home I begged Hubby to turn the car around so I could place the cheese in the exact position I found it. What if the shopper realized it had fallen out of his/her bag and while they were looking for it, one of the "witnesses" mentioned that a lady in a grey car stole it? Oh, I felt horrible. Hubby laughed at me all the way home. I'm glad he found this entertaining. Me? I've resolved to leave unclaimed grocery items where they are and to stop watching so much Oprah.

Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I've been wanting to post this for awhile, and I finally have a few minutes this morning to get it up. Flossy-p, Love Squalor and Red Button Tree have started the trend and I just wanted to join in the fun! Hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend - I'll be posting an update on my current adventures very soon!

5 Things

I've been tagged by Flossy-p with a fun little game called "5 things" which means I must now share 5 things about myself that I haven't left on my blog. Well, what a great way to get my butt in gear and post something already. Thanks Flossy! It is no secret that I have been in a funk for quite awhile now and I just haven't wanted to post anything since I figured I'd be moaning and complaining the entire time and who the heck wants to read about that! Well, here is a nice format for me get back into the groove, it is also a fun way for me to make my BIG announcement, so please, read on!

1.) Ok, don't know how else to tell you, so here we go : I'm Pregnant! That's right folks, knocked up and getting ready to pop out a baby in mid July. I suppose that is the main reason for the uncreative rut I've been in lately. Between the fatigue and constant nausea, it was difficult to do more than eat, sleep, and pray that I wouldn't lose my lunch on the sky train. Even work was becoming unbearable! Also, if I have had any energy, I've been consumed with pregnancy books, references, and anything related to baby this and baby that...wow, never thought I'd get to this point in my life! But here I am, and holy cow, are we ever excited! (I'll be blogging more on this soon!)

2.) I grew up playing the violin and if my audition had been good enough to be accepted to Western, I would have majored in music. Currently my violin is in the closet, strings loosened, gathering dust. But I do miss playing and hope to one day revive it and join a string quartet. There is something truly magical about playing an instrument in a larger group!

3.) I secretly wish I could be a boxer. I'm not really one to spend the afternoon watching boxing matches on tv, but ever since I read Bryce Courtney's The Power of One about 5 years ago I have been quite interested in the life of a boxer. When The Contender reality show aired in 2004 (you know, the one with Stallone and Sugar Ray), I wouldn't miss a week - I was so caught up in the individual fighter's lives; the glory of the wins and the tragedy of the losses. And let's not forget about Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood's finest achievement. After seeing that movie, I searched all over our neighbourhood to see if there were any boxing gyms where I could train...of course I totally chickened out and decided I'd live vicariously through Hillary Swank.

4.) I work as an artist in video games, but I have to admit that I absolutely can't stand video games...Yes, I know... What am I doing in this industry? I absolutely despise talking tech shoppe away from the office and I have a hard time explaining exactly what I do when someone asks. I suppose it's one of those careers where you wake up one day and ask yourself, how did I get here anyways? Especially when I had studied traditional animation and fine arts for 4 years. I'm not complaining, it is a great job and I love the people here. But I dream of a day where I can work from a small studio and create my own art and actually make a living from it.

5.) The last one..On the subject of jobs: The worst and toughest job I've ever had was working in a greenhouse during the hot humid Ontario summers to make money for school. Everyday for 4 months my best friend and I would leave our comfortable air conditioned homes to face the 100 degree Fahrenheit oven called a greenhouse. We'd cart around bedding plants and load them onto racks for shipping all over Ontario, Michigan and Ohio. The worst part of the job was that we'd arrive each morning with no clue when we'd leave. Early summer was so busy that we could end up working until 10pm or even midnight 7 days a week. And all this fun, for minimum wage and no over time pay. Good times! We were zombies and completely unaware of what day of the week it was. I did this for 3 summers and was so so happy to land my next job at a paint-your-own ceramics studio. It was less hours and crap pay, but I have never taken air conditioning for granted ever since. It sounds cliche, but I think every person needs a job like this to truly appreciate all the future careers/jobs they will have. I know I do!

Well, that's it folks. Now it's time for me to tag some others:

Babelfish from CrustStation (however, I think you've done this already...)
Julie from Little Cotton Rabbits
Hubby hubberson
Ken

..I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore, but if you read this post, consider yourselves tagged as well. Have fun!

Stuck in the 90's

Happy New Year everyone!...yes, I know it is quite a bit overdue. But, hey, better than never, right? I have to admit, I am still in quite a rut as far as my creative activity is going. I wish I could say that Christmas was the rejuvenating break that I was expecting...Unfortunately a long plane ride to Toronto brought a dreaded cold and more exhaustion. Gotta love recycled air! It was wonderful to see the family and I did get a ton of rest while I was home. Even my Dad was concerned with the amount of time I spent crashed on the couch. So, here we are back on the west coast awaiting yet another wind storm and I feel like the break was some sort of dream and here I am back at life. I do believe I need to pick up the Artist's Way again and get a kick in my creative pants. This is getting ridiculous.
But before I dig that out again, I'd like to share with you one of my Christmas gifts. My ever so thoughtful brother and his wife were kind enough to buy me this Natalie Merchant CD which has been on my amazon wish list for about 4 years now. Don't ask me why I didn't ever just pick it up myself, I have no idea...perhaps it's because I get music amnesia every time I walk into a CD store. But I was so excited when I opened this gift because it brings back sooo many memories. My first apartment, roomates, college papers, art projects and all those years of dating Mr. Hubby. Yes, reliving the late 90's all over again :) This is the part of my life I like to remember. Forget high school, it was awkward, painful and filled with horrible decisions. But leaving home and embarking on a new beginning, new friends, and of course, no money. Sigh. Those were the days. So, off I go to listen to it again. Have you all heard of this CD? I think I am a bit stuck in the 90's , but it really is one of my faves.

Blogging Rut

I'm stuck in a rut. I'm a bad blogger. I was being so good and consistent with this blog and suddenly this last month I feel like I've run out of steam. I feel tired and uncreative. Every time I sit down to start an illustration or photograph a little project, I suddenly hit this mental wall. What happened? ...I'm not really sure.
I do know that the shorter days are exhausting and that after work I can hardly do more than get up from the couch and go to bed. Perhaps the problem is that work has been creatively draining for the last while and now it has sucked any energy left for my personal projects. Yes, shocking; I know. After all the complaints I had about work being boring and pointless and suddenly it is flipped completely; now I complain that I don't have any creative energy to work on personal things. Honestly, I'm impossible to please (hubby, don't say a word!)
At this point I really want to say to you all, please don't give up on my little blog! I will be back, I promise. I plan to recharge over the holidays and buckle down with new personal projects in the new year. Embroidery, book ideas, illustrations, these are all hovering in my mind. I just need a little more time to reflect. I hope you will come visit when I am myself again!
Until then, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and all that other jazz. I'll be seeing you soon!

The Christmas Countdown

Is anyone else looking around and wondering how the holiday season just sort of snuck up on us? Geez...Already December and I can hardly believe another year is coming to a close. Yesterday Hubby convinced me we needed to get into the Christmas spirit, so we busted out the decorations and lights, popped in The Sound of Music DVD and away we went. Nothing like a little Julie Andrews doe ray me to get us into a festive mood. I'm really looking forward to the break - it has been a hectic fall. Although work has been pretty slow, everything else in our lives is bustling. This would explain the lack of posts on this here blog, but I do plan to get right back on the blog horse as soon as the New year rolls around.

So, until then, please bear with my sparatic check-ins and some rushed photos of mini projects that are going on around here. The 2 stuffy ornaments below are not quite finished - I still need to find some little bells to sew to the end of the sleeping toques. But aren't they cute?

Ok, my elementary sewing skills are not exactly working for me here, but the design is the best. I found a photo (can't remember where) of Hilary Lang's ornaments she had published in a magazine. Now, I have no idea where to find this magazine - perhaps someone out there knows of this magazine and where it is sold? But the photo was so amazing, I was inspired to try to make some myself. Yes, quite risky of me to attempt a sewing project without instructions...eeek!

Well folks, that's all for now. I'm so tired these days, it is defenitely the time of year for cocooning! Ug....bring on the holiday season!

Welcome November

Well, it finally hit me that winter has arrived. We just got back from a weekend at the in laws in Grand Forks and we were struck with a dump of snow there and back. The lower mainland is experiencing major downpours, but the interior of BC is definitely seeing the white stuff.

I can't say the weather has brought on any sort of Christmas spirit - I regret to disappoint anyone, but I'm really not the most festive person when it comes to this holiday season (I know... bah humbug). I love the time with family and friends - all the eating and drinking...and eating some more. But it is such an exhausting time. Already I am overwhelmed with lists of things to do before December 25th.

But here we are, suddenly it is November. And time is certainly not slowing down for anyone. Last week we got the shocking news that Hubby lost his job (it looks like his boss is selling the business). This was difficult information to process, but now that we've had the week to mull it over - I feel surprisingly calm and hopeful for his future; our future. Sometimes we need to be pushed out of old comfort zones in order to move ahead in life.

And on the subject of being pushed forward...tomorrow brings another birthday for yours truly. *Sigh*...where does the time go? Last year was the big 30, and I was so traumatized about falling into the next decade that I didn't really pay attention to any aging that was affecting my body or mind. But I have to say, I do feel the age this year. I'm pulling out a lot more grey hairs and I notice that I shop for eye cream that contains anti-aging remedies. Also, I don't seem to keep the brownies or chocolate off my hips the way I used to and I noticed a frightening sag in the skin just below my chin (am I getting jowls??). Yikes! Did you know that every 7 years our bodies regenerate all new tissues so that we are completely different persons? How bizarre!

But I shouldn't dwell on the negative changes. I do notice that my thought process has definitely matured, and I have become MUCH more patient than I ever used to be. I still feel like I'm trying to figure myself out, but I am trying to be more open when I'm faced with the ups and downs of life. What I learned in Europe was that I really want to experience each moment for what it is and not be so obsessed about what is going to happen next. That is a tricky one for me since I am probably the biggest worry wart out there. But, there it is and that's all I have to say on turning 31. Except that some new art supplies will be the most excellent b-day gift ever and I plan to hit the store this weekend. Yay!

No more apologies...I promise!

It has been a difficult week...and Hubby #1, the regular wonderful man that he always is, bought me a bunch of bee-utiful flowers to brighten my mood. Could the timing be more appropriate? I think not.

There have been a few things on my mind that attribute to my blues, but I don't really want to go into it here because it's personal and I don't think many would be interested in hearing me ramble on about it anyways.
But I will say that work has a huge part of it. Kay and I talk often about our day jobs or I should say "careers", even though in many ways it has become a job. We are both unhappy and looking for a new path. We just need to encourage each other enough to take the next big step! I know we can do it.

I'm so inspired by everything I read on the blogs out there - creative folks living the lives they were meant to lead. Also, listening to Jennifer's podcast this week was just so wonderful - exactly what I needed to hear. And so much encouragement in her final words as she read a snippet of Dr. Suess' "Oh the places you'll go". Yes, change is difficult and always necessary. What a cliche...I'm sure Hubby Hubberson will love to tear into that one!

I've also got a lot of nervous energy welling up in me. I'm acting a little erratic lately; somewhat obsessive about blogging and commenting, and blogging some more. I think I'm just wound up about our vacation coming up in 8 days! Gosh, I'm so unbelievably nervous and excited all at the same time. Hubby and I were discussing my blog over a pint and some pizza last night - and we had this conversation...

Hubby: you have to stop apologizing on your blog
Sally: But I don't want to offend anyone! Otherwise they won't come back...
Hubby: Stop apologizing - you are cluttering up your space
Sally: Sigh...but -
Hubby: Stop apologizing. It is your space and your voice. No need to apologize.
Sally: ...

He so has a point here. Where would I be without Mr. Hubby? He makes me a stronger person and helps me maintain my true self. All that and he can make me bust a gut laughing for hours with a wickedly dry sense of humour. Some days I wonder... how did I ever get so lucky!

So, there you have it folks. No more apologies and for this next week I'm going to focus on knitting more of these swatches to take my mind off my blogging OCD. I'm going to start knitting a tea cozy for my mom when I get back from Europe and I need to brush up on colour knitting skills.

Aviatophobia: the fear of flying

22 days until our big vacation and I'm becoming overwhelmed by my fear of flying. It's not like I haven't flown before - we usually get on a plane at least twice a year to go out east and visit the family. But that doesn't stop me from losing sleep over my paranoia of a plane crash or a laptop explosion (have you heard about those sony batteries?) or even worse a terrorist threat. The flight from Vancouver to Heathrow is 9 hours, then we have to make a connection to Munich. Ug...my stomach is in knots already just thinking about how long I will have to endure sitting in a tin can thousands of feet above land. So, to help me prepare, I thought I would try some art therapy.
Here are my major fears: crashing into the ocean or exploding in the sky. Both are equally horrifying to me - although falling from the plane without a parachute sometimes takes the cake. I am a nervous mess when we land and I'm even worse when we take off. There is something just completely unnatural about humans wanting to fly in the air. So why do I put myself through this??

And the new restrictions do nothing but feed my anxiety. To top it off, I am clausterphobic and during our trip to the Dominican last year I had a bit of a breakdown halfway through the flight. I felt like the walls were closing in and everyone was breathing in my face. That was horrible - imagine everyone in the cabin asleep while I was locked in the teeny tiny bathroom trying to catch my breath. What a nightmare!! But now there is no extra comforts to soothe me... no water, no chapstick, no knitting?? Well, ok, the knitting has been banned for a long time - but it would do wonders for my nervous energy. The only solution here is to knock myself out completely - unconscious. Seriously. I don't know how else I'm going to last!
I wish with all my might that Europe was only a lazy afternoon river boat ride away. Please note the calm water, the blue sky, and the narrow river where green grass is just a hop and skip away from the boat. This is the proper way for humans to travel...if only travel were this easy.
Well, it would be way cool if someone would hurry up and invent the star trek transporter. That would solve all my problems with travel. Sigh...
Until then, I will just breathe and pray...breathe and pray. I can do this, people fly every day! Just breathe. Think about Oktoberfest, castles, French pastries and Van Gogh...it is so totally worth it!

Welcome to my Bloggy

Hello friends, family and fellow wanderers - welcome to my official blog!

So, after nearly 5 years of working for the corporate monster, I've decided to take control of my artistic destiny and follow Julia Cameron's 12 week course to creative recovery. Her book, The Artists Way, has helped many people become "unstuck" in their creativity - writers, artists, musicians and especially the "shadow artists". Lately I've become fed up with the lack of creativity in my daily routine, even though my career path is labeled "computer artist"; sadly, I do little more than make computer graphic widgets and regergitate reality with very little room for the imagination. Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful for my job, especially during uncertain times. It's just that I am trying to take a different perspective with my job and not rely on it as my only creative outlet. It seems my artistic side has been sleepwalking since I graduated from art school, and around Christmas 2005 I suddenly woke up ornery and somewhat depressed - asking myself "Where is my portfolio?". And that's when I picked up the book. It's time to take responsibility for my artistic direction - no more lolligagging! is what Harry would say!

And, here it is - my blog! I hope for it to be a positive response to all that I am learning through the 12 week course and beyond! Also, I'm looking forward to see how you all respond to my 'stuff'. It should be great fun!


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